


vent

by haogender



Category: Original Work
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-21
Updated: 2020-12-20
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:01:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28205763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haogender/pseuds/haogender
Summary: sorry i just. cant write fanfic right now i feel fucking guilty so here’s my vent





	vent

scared

and angry? maybe.

except the whole concept of feeling emotions is kind of lost on him, because like... what’s the deal with it when he’s trying to psychoanalyse himself and everyone else? how is he supposed to be sure he’s actually feeling those things and not just making up a dramatic story?

a dramatic story, because life is so calm and normal. maybe read a few too many books, maybe listened to too many story podcasts. convinced that life is calm, and fine.

and that when nothing is actively happening something is so wrong but that’s not true, right?

because why else would he be so angry all the time and there’s no reason because there’s never a reason. he’s fine. he’s safe (questionable, arguable)

writing this without a character in mind. writing in third person about me but saying the word ‘i’ makes me feel sick because it acknowledges that i feel things and exist and am real.

i feel sick.

sitting on the bed and rocking in a circle because the pure discomfort this causes causes such a sickness. i haven’t taken my pills consistently in weeks because i don’t know what day it is and if my memories are real.

except maybe that’s not even true, maybe i’ve repeated that so many times that i told myself it was true and real but i just wanted a dramatic fucking story.

**Author's Note:**

> i don’t know i know i project onto idols a lot but i don’t know if i can so i’m just. not in a place


End file.
